When is somebody going to tell me this whole virus thing is a prank

Incoming Bruh Moment

Monday

We visited a family and sang a bunch of hymns and fixed their technology problems, the usual. Crackers and cow tongue, the usual. Oh yo um what in the world honestly, our power went out. We had nothing so that was fun

Tuesday

Day two without power. We showered icey, darky scary. Bussed over to our DL's area for district council. Cooked chicken alfredo and everything! Then we waited at a bus stop for like 3 hours because the bus schedules are messed up and then there's like 2 other people on the bus, haha. We went to a member's house to charge our phone, and they happened to be warming up leftovers wow would you look at that, allow us to eat them thank you.

Wednesday

Day 3 without power, scary shower part 2. We went to the church to make brownies and definitely didn't burn them. Oh also bought a shower head so we don't have to shower with a hose anymore, it's bad enough that it's dark and cold but we have just been hosing ourselves down like farm animals.

Thursday

We find out we're getting quarantined. This means war. There shall no longer be peace in the house. No Man's Land has been declared, mines have been planted, snipers posted. Prepare. So anyways some brothers who work for the mission came and got us a new sink water faucet thing. A new toilet so that everything goes down in 1 try instead of 2 days. We played uno with them for a bit too which was fun haha. We got permission to leave for one last day so we just visited all the people that we could.

Friday

We do some final shopping, now we ready ready. Bring on the quarantine. We also grabbed a sustainable amount of ice cream. Then those same brothers from the mission brought us a new washing machine, finally. We finally can clean our clothes in one try hooray. Day 2 of quarantine. Government systems have been established. War has been officially declared.

Saturday

Day 3 of the quarantine. No Man's Land is scattered with shrapnel, fallen soldiers, blood and tears, shattered dreams and the remains of what once was a house that lived in unity. War is ugly, war is real. Mattresses are used as shields, bombillas (metal mate straw) are used as daggers, my Colt Python is only used as a threat for now, soccer balls as cannonballs, local kids from the street have been pulled in as foot soldiers. War does not care. The main point of attack is the bathroom, for he who rules over the bathroom wins the war. We have a platoon flanking the east wing now, attempting to get through the window. There are many details I've selected to leave out. They are not something the general public should be exposed to. War does not concern itself with the sensitivity of the people. War does not concern itself with anything other than the fall of mankind itself. I'll try to send another letter next week... if I last that long.

Sunday

The Sabbath Day arrived just in time, peace has been declared for the day. Shades of The Christmas Truce, 1914. We too, sang hymns and enjoyed each other's company. It was quiet, the wind blew, carrying the laughs of the men across the battlefield. It was nice, but not one man was truly at ease, the constant worry of betrayal gnawing at the back of the mind. Nevertheless, peace for the day. Peace however, cannot survive on the grounds of which the blood of ones brethren has been shed. There will be war tomorrow. It will return with twice the ferocity. It will be as if this cute little truce never came to pass.

Bullet Beans

- So I wake up okay and as usual you've got some stuff to take care of in the morning, just the daily business. Well problem is we can't use the new toilet till the end of the night and oh boy. Forget about the quarantine. Run. Run. Hide. Cry. Do something. Anything. I tear my companion from his morning routine and we stumble out the door and begin our sprint to the church in rags, without shoes, nothing. Okay not nothing. My companion stumbles and falls. I turn back to help him up, he begs me to leave him. "Go on without me" he gasps, "save yourself."

"Absolutely not Elder, if I learned anything from Sarge in Toy Story 1, it's that you never leave a man behind" I help him to his feet and we press forward. We reach the church and I clear the 10 foot fence in a single leap. I round the corner of the church and crash through the bathroom window, spiraling through the glass pane, landing in the stall. I survived. Barely. Then we played some soccer on the court outside.

- So I think there must have been some sort of Woodstock for dogs here in Uruguay like 10 years ago because I tell you I have never seen such diversely breeded dogs ladies and gentlemen. You could draw up any sort of dog from the deepest darkest parts of your imagination and I have probably said "Hola" to that same dog.

- So we visited our friend, he is like 20 or so, and he just starts going through his phone showing us a bunch of random stuff, I'm talking like dark and twisted My Little Pony, 50 Cent songs, memes from 2009, just the works. Then he reaches under his bed and pulls out this beetle, and I'm like woah a dead beetle. But then he starts playing with it and is just like "He's still sleeping" and I'm thinking, He? Sleeping? What in the world is going on? Well after it finished it's nap our man played with his pet beetle for the rest of the lesson. Cool guy.

Official Bruh Moment Declaration

We're all getting sent home and I don't have the motivation to explain why, ask my lovely mother :)

Love Elder Jerman

Lieutenant General of San José A

Kill Count: Confidential

Awarded with

- Purple Heart

- Medal of Honor

1. The Final Feast