5 years 🐤🤠

Monday

A B S O L U T E L Y   N O T H I N G. I sat in the corner and stared at the wall all day. Oh but that night was chaos cause it was transfer calls and our boy Elder Oyewole is out of here. Also we went to Krispy Kreme this day.

Tuesday

So we took Elder Oyewole to the mission office, he's been in this area his whole mission, like 10 months so it's about time. He's gonna go be a ZL somewhere. After dropping him off and saying goodbye we drove to the airport to pick up Elder Sime's new comp, Elder Kelsey. A freshly reassigned boy who served in Argentina. From Nevada. Just a lot of driving this day haha. Then per mission tradition, Zaxby's for the new guy.

Wednesday

We did our shopping trip, and then made some pancakes. Introduced the new fella to our card game. Then a visit to the sister missionaries that live in our complex which sounds bad but the story is below. Afterwards we went to the other Elders in our complex and played cards. Yes there's 12 missionaries in our complex. We will take over.

Thursday

Sime and I went over to a chapel. The polynesian missionaries of this mission are putting together a performance for our mission president as he leaves and this was their last practice. While there I ran into my boy Renton Johnson! I've known he was in this mission and I've been dying to see him! We talked the whole time it was great, we've been buddies since elementary. It was great. Picture below. That night the Burmese Boys came over for cards.

Friday

While I was showering, I heard the fire alarm go off. No. Anything but that. I tear the shower curtain from the bar and use it to dress myself as I storm out of the bathroom. The absolutely fool of a new guy was boiling some eggs and let things get out of control. 46 days. He broke a 46 day streak. We bound him and threw him in the trunk, and tossed him into the forest. If we're lucky nature has taken it's course by now. Fool. 

This day was the poly performance though, it was beautiful! They performed a few different songs and dances, as well as the Haka. It was so so awesome! I loved it and felt lucky to be there. Besides the polynesians it was just their comps mission leadership. Luckily I'm the only one that drives so I got to haha. After we had pizza at a park and played some volleyball. So fun! That night we went over to the Burmese Boys' for some cards.

Saturday

A pretty chill morning, then we had a full night of calls and posts and an English live class. After we had our sports night with the ward mission leader and his family and all of our missionaries in the ward. 14 to be exact. See below for an explanation. It was fun though!

Sunday

We actually had a pretty busy day. Between a few zoom calls and a couple video call lessons we stayed really productive! And of course it was the first "Sunday Night Feast" for Elder Kesley

Bullet Beans

• So to start, the Hermanas told us to bring them cookies so we said bet and bought brownie mix as a power move. We made a batch for them and one for us. We almost died eating ours, it called for like a half cup of vegetable oil but we ran out and had to use olive oil so them boys were RICH. I was dehydrated for the next 30 hours. But we took it over anyways and I guess they ended up loving them. But when we delivered them, I go to knock on the door right? Well for some reason their door wasn't all the way closed and so when I knocked, it started to swing open and they saw it and started to scream. In that split second my mind was like "I'm not going home for this" and my reaction speed was off the charts, closing the door and turning 180 degrees as a defense mechanism. They came to the door laughing so all is well, they're cool. I'm never going back.

• We went back to the Hermanas. Kidding haha.

• One night I decided, "Yes, I can one up myself and the huge freaking taco I made a couple weeks ago." My target was the chicken quesadilla. I made the big taco thing the same but for the chicken I made a spicy bbq glaze sauce thing and the dish has ascended. It literally starting floating and we had to hold it down as we ate.

• So get ready for me to explain why there's so many missionaries in my ward: Nevermind I don't want to but there's a lot

• I'd like everyone to take a moment to mourn with me. My beloved cats have been given away. I would say more hut I cannot bare the pain of this loss and betrayal.

• OH also so this week, I was jus vibin, as I do, and I was putting in my white load of laundry. This week I decided okay I'll wash all my dress shirts too. Well the load comes out looking questionable, and so I do it again. It comes out this time and looks WORSE. Like   B R O W N. Then I check the toilet boil, full of dark water, the sink? Dark water. I have been pranked. By this time there was no hope. We tried everything, literally soaked my clothes in bleach and water and when the water went back to normal we tried washing them again a couple times. So in one day I lost all my white clothes. And as a missionary that's all you wear haha. Luckily we have an amazing senior couple in our mission that helped me replace everything.

Love, Elder Jerman

I like Baby Chairs honestly they are so cool

Never talking to his family again how dare they give our cats away

Also loves his family no matter what but what the heck

Brownie Master

Designated Driver

Where are my cats?

Has anybody seen my cats?

Pics

• Our last zoom call with President and Sister Marsh

• Krispy Kreme 

• Me and my boy Renton (Elder Johnson)

• Sad fire alarm

 

• Downtown Atlanta, yes I was driving but I wasn't the one taking the picture don't worry

• In the rain

• After the Poly performance

• Quesadilla of the gods

Woahhhhhhhhh who said that somebody hopped in my Discord and said that

Monday

We did our shopping early today, so that I the afternoon we would have plenty of time to go the Magic store. I've done it. My deck has ascended past all else. It cannot be beaten. Then we taught an English class, some guy kept asking us the most respectful way to say the male organ and we just had to act like we didn't see it until we could send him a message telling him after the class haha. We can't just be missionaries broadcasting ourselves talking about that you know what I'm saying? Tune in next class when we go over "Reproductive Organs."

Tuesday

We made an "emergency" run to the store. Then an epic Magic duel that lasted like 2 hours. Gamers gotta game what can I say.

Wednesday

We contacted like 8,000 people from our phone, played some Magic. Then we got to go over to a member house! The mom cut our hair, which was very necessary, and we had dinner with the family. It was so fun! I have missed being in a Spanish environment so I loved joking around and laughing with the homies again. It was a family from Mexico so they taught me some slang that I'll hear often.

Thursday

So we were super productive this day! Let's see what did we do... oh! We played Magic all day and lowkey I was bringing forth my own Ragnarok. I cannot be stopped.

Friday

A good day today. We had our Zone Conference! We were oj time and definitely not 15 minutes late. We started by singing as a zone, it was beautiful! Then we strapped down and listened for the next several hours. After we took a zone picture, had some burgers and hot dogs, and then per mission tradition we went to a nearby park for softball! (Our mission president loves softball). We had zone t-shirts, originally I wasn't getting one because it was 15 dollars and Accutane is leeching everything I have. But one of the zone leaders gave me one anyway and I almost cried, gave the guy a ritual uruguayo kiss and put it on. We split the zone into 3 teams and it was a ton of fun. I hadn't swung a bat in years but I was able to hit the ball a couple of feet. I almost had a diving catch in the outfield but it was barely out of my reach and I've been depressed ever since. I'm coming home mom. After we played some frisbee and now I am reared as a king here.

Saturday

I ate a sandwich, then got prankedly uninvited from a sand volleyball which I haven't gotten over yet. I'm depressed and coming home. Went over to another house of elders and played games. 

Sunday

Had a good day, kept busy. I made the weekly feast, this time with veggies. It gets better every week I am worried for when I peak.

Bullet Beans

• So my comp and I finally decide to join the other elders on their daily fast food run. We go to Wendy's. I ordered something I've gotten before, but I guess depending on the location it comes with a gay chicken sandwich. What the heck. I am depressed and coming home.

• So every time I have to toast something, bread, bagels, waffles, my comp in a game of Magic, you name it, I always try to Dude Perfect that boy and make it in the slot. I've done this the whole time. Dozens and dozens of attempts. Well one day, it went in. And then I knew I had to make the other, back to back. I tossed it, and it was as if it was in slow motion. Instantly I knew it missed. But to my delight it bounced off the oven mitt on the counter, off the wall, and into the slot. I am too powerful. Then after I was filming a recap, as you do, and I made a 3rd one in. I'm on my way to stardom.

• The thing they don't tell you about becoming an absolute god in your trade is that you make enemies. Since my Magic deck has become seamlessly perfect, my companion and I haven't spoken a word to eachother. These are the sacrifices you have to make for supremacy.

• One of the kitchen outlets stopped working, and every once in a while it'll start making clicking noises for like 10 seconds or so. Lowkey drops a sick beat. We're gonna die.

Love, Elder Jerman

Not actually depressed please don't take the jokes seriously

Jus a viber vibin

Hi Hockey

Hyper Hydrated

Softball Prodigy

Has had a headache for 4 days

Hated by the Magic community.

Pics

- Sunset 

- Feast sneak peek

- Me and the comp

- Pics with the Zone

- and the mission president and wife

- Some random pics from the conference

Elder Beetle?

- The "Male Supremacy" district, "NoGirlsAllowed

- Random pics from softball

Love, Elder Jerman

AMBER ALERT: My sister Alicia turned 22 years old on June 14. That is all. No kidding HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALICIA! Gracias por hacerme reír siempre y por ser un ejemplo para mí. Te quiero mucho! CAPÍSIMA!!!

Monday

I may or may not have bought a Magic deck with the emergency cash I have. Don't tell anyone.

Tuesday

Clean day. The bathroom was this week's target. Some of our best work. Then we played Magic for like 40 minutes. And then for another 5 hours. That evening we had a lesson with our boy Carlos. After, because now they allow us to call our families for special occasions, I called to tune into my sister's wedding reception. Honestly from my point of view it was pure chaos and I couldn't see anything and half the time it sounded like I was in a black hole but I'm sure the whole thing was lovely. Apparently there is a cardboard cutout of me with a tiny head that made an appearance at the wedding. My worst fear.

Wednesday

That night, we went over to the Tucker place (other Elders in our apartment complex). We tried playing some Magic with 4 people but it wasn't organized very well and it ended up being a 2 hour game and nothing happened the whole time and honestly it was a big waste of time and I'm never playing Magic again that's how pointless it was.

Thursday

So we played some Magic, and then we had district council and exchanges after. I was with our DL, Elder Downs from California, cool guy. We made a quick stop by the mission office and talked with the office Hermanas for a bit. Nothing but business of course. That night we met at the church building to switch back, and then did an English live class.

Friday

So you may remember last week I made some pretty impressive quesadillas. This day I managed to top those. 2 quesadillas, 1 chicken, one ground beef. But here's the catch. The ground beef was friend in peanut butter. Added onions and lime again of course. Tossed some tomatoes and lettuce on there and it turned into a massive taco. Put me out of commission for 20 hours.

Saturday

We had another sports activity with some of the ward again. This time we did it in the evening to prevent hear exhaustion, death or even worse, dehydration. Drink water everybody. We ate pizza and then played soccer. My companion absolutely launched the soccer ball right into my nono square but I had to play it off, can't be grabbing yourself in front of a bunch of young women and sister missionaries. Tears streamed down my face as I limped onward. Boos sounded from the raving fans. Homosexual slurs thrown at me left and right. I powered on. After we played volleyball inside which was a blast.

Sunday

I got to call Alicia for her birthday, then of course as the schedule goes for Sundays, I made the boys the Pastaroni feast, complete with toast and a smoothie. It's down to a science. Stay tuned for next week for a possible addition of   V E G G I E.

Bullet Beans

• Week 2 of Accutane, I had to pick up a piece of my chin off of the floor and throw it away. I am wilting. Onward.

• I saw some fireflies this week, reminding me of my summers in Iowa. I have now elected to continue living. My other options all included to keep living as well because I'm jus vibin you know how it goes

• I spent a solid 3 or 4 seconds pulling on a handle of a car I thought was ours, realizing it wasn't I turned and found my companion staring at me smiling. Refusing to be helpful and enjoying my demise. Then it happened again. 1 week later. The same place. The same car. The same result.

Love, Elder Jerman

1B2F, formerly 2B1F

2B1F because I'll never change

I am realizing only one person understands those jokes my bad

Teller of unfunny jokes that not everybody gets

TEAM UNCLE SNOOPY

Pics

- Just taught these guys the law of chastity. They've still got a ways to go considering they live under the same lightbulb.

- Ultimate taco

- An example of a missionary in 2020 with the new attire update (likely doesn't apply to us though)

- Zoomin on a wheelchair

Uncle Snooooooooooooooooooooooop

Monday

A nice chill pday, we had a quick Walmart run. That night we did an English live class on our Facebook. A quick little Arby's run, this time the cashier wasn't deaf so that was a plus.

Tuesday

We had another one of our cleaning days, honestly they're my favorite. We cleaned our blinds and windows and all the corners of our walls and then moved on to the kitchen. Every time I would go into the kitchen I just wanted to die. Not to be on a high horse but nobody else cares about keeping it clean... I am better than everyone else basically. Haha no but we attacked the counters and everything and it was such an improvement I almost cried. That evening we had a quick trip to the mission office.

Wednesday

Well it was my 6 month mark. I'm not sure how long missions are supposed to be but this is kind of getting ridiculous. So anyway to celebrate we started my journey of erasing the source of 6 years of problems with self image and worth. We went to the dermatologist! Haha so yeah I got approved by the mission office to start Accutane and stop depression out here in Atlanta. You may be thinking "What really? You've always had perfect skin, I've never seen a single pimple on you." I know I know, but I'm going to do it anyway. It'll be cool to be able to love myself. Haha all jokes. So yeah we went to that appointment, they took like a liter of blood from me and I'm on the prescription now! For lunch I made the most fire quesadillas. I tossed in some onion and lime into the ground meat and we almost got translated when we ate it.

Thursday

Made it on time to district council so that was pretty savage. We played a really fun game at the end called "Smurfing" I'll explain it real quick: Never mind I don't want to. After, my companions Aunt put in a Walmart grocery pickup order for us which was amazing so we went and got that. For lunch we made chicken. Too much chicken. Then we went over to the other Elders place, the Tucker Elders. We played Uno, and then my comp and I, with one of their companionships, went over to the church to do an English live. It went really well! It was a fun one. On our way home, we were on the freeway and we got hit by a freaking monsoon or something. Within 20 seconds we went from driving on the freeway to driving in a river. My vision went to 0, and everytime a car passes, 6,000 gallons of water was thrown onto our windshield, adding to the 1,000 gallons of water from the sky hitting our windshield every second. We caused a 51 car pile up but more importantly we got out safely.

Friday

This day slipped out of existence.

Saturday

Went over to the church building for an outdoors activity. The ward mission leader and his family came and we had an investigator. It was so fun! We played soccer and volleyball. My body shut down 3 of its major organs due to the heat. It felt so good to exert ourselves physically jaja. 

Sunday

For sacrament we used crackers because we didn't have bread. But then I learned my sister used waffle pieces so remember folks if you ever feel like you're doing something poorly, there's always somebody doing it worse. We had video call interviews with the President and his wife, it was a lot of fun. We made a feast to break our fast. My signature pastaroni and ground beef but this time with onion and lime added. Also a smoothie and some muffins to go along with it.

Bullet Beans

• We dedicated some of our very precious time to taking panoramic photos of our room, in which I attempted to place myself in 4 different parts of the photo. The results will shock you. Doctors hate him. You won't believe #3.

• With the help of my mexicana friend, I made some bomb guacamole, it rocked our world. The process changed my citizenship, I'm Mexican now jaja bye losers.

• This week, my companion Elder Thompson finally convinced me to let him teach me the card game Magic. Well turns out it's not gay and it's actually savage. We have been playing nonstop. I am one with the Forest and the Forest is one with me.

• Oh by the way, your boy is an Uncle.

Love, Elder Jerman

Cleaning Specialist

Never had acne

Red Bull sponsored River Driver

Mexican Nationalist

Pics

- Fast Sunday Feast

- Just playin cards you know how it goes

- Guacamole

- Jus vibin in a box

 

- Dermatologist

- A couple pics from the panoramas

Bro this is why I hang out with you bro

ATTENTION ALL GAMERS

FRIDAY MAY 29TH. My boy Matt, my main village man. Turned 19. This guy has been a true homie since we met when we were like 10 or 11. Absolutely one of the best friends I'll ever have. Thanks for all the laughs and memories. Cheers boyo.

Monday

A very nice chill day, we did some grocery shopping, got some pizza, gave our sister missionaries blessings, gave them coffee creamer as well that keeps getting passed getting passed around different missionaries haha. Also something that makes me feel spoiled but is still nonetheless a blessing, the mission office was able to find an extra car and since we have been sharing 1 car between 4 companionships- 2 of which are sisters- they gave it to us so that's very nice.

Tuesday

Well let's see, it was quite a busy day actually! After lunch at like 2, we drove to Best Buy to find an item we needed, after finding out it wasn't there we went to the nearest Office Depot, which ended up in accidentally leaving our area so we turned around and went on a huge detour on the freeway, and finally made it to a different one. Then we went home real quick to grab something, then to Walmart to pick up a different item we needed, then home again for something we forgot, then to the ZL's to pick up something, then to the chapel that acts as the family history center. Then back to the ZL's to drop something off. THEN, Elder Thompson's uncle, the legend himself, ordered us Chinese takeout all the way from Arizona, so we went and picked up that monster order. By the time we got home it was like 8:45 haha.

Wednesday

For lunch we had our Chinese leftovers, which was basically another entire meal. We played some cards and then watched Baptists at our Barbecue, which I don't know if y'all have seen that but I mean come on. It was entertaining enough but it was absolutely ridiculous, I couldn't believe it. Then our DL called us reminding us for district council the next morning at 10:00. (See Thursday for more) Then we had a zoom call with the ward mission leader and all the missionaries in our ward. That night we went over to another apartment of elders and played cards.

Thursday

Alright so not gonna lie to you, we were just studying, and all of a sudden we get a phone call. My comp goes to pick it up. "Who is it?" I ask.

He looks up at me, as if he'd seen a ghost. "The district leader." I look down to my watch. 10:08. Oh no.

Run. Hide. Run. Panic. Stay calm. We don't answer and then absolutely zoom to get dressed. I got behind the wheel of that car and went absolutely as fast as the law allowed me to go. When we get there at 10:30, our district leader is greeting us and goes "Hey sorry I think maybe I told you guys 10:30 instead of 10." Then by the end of the council he had practically convinced himself that it was in fact his mistake... but I mean I wasn't going to say anything... to be fair the council was at their apartment and all 6 other elders live there and since we're all guys nobody cared haha. After Elder and Thompson and I got some food, then home to finish our studies haha. We did a facebook live English class at night, and after we watched King of Dreams. 

Friday

Let's see here, we made German pancakes again so that was good, tossed some chocolate chips in there for some pizazz. I think there was too much sugar because afterwards our brains just shut down. We played some Book of Mormon cards for our daily missionary work (I'm kiddingggg). We watched a movie that night as well.

Saturday

We had a huge zoom call with every language speaking area in the mission, it was like 4 and a half hours long. With a lil lunch break in between. During lunch break we made a milkshake that was 10% yogurt, 10% blueberries, 10% milk and 70% ice cream. Pretty good stuff. Then some cards you know how it goes.

Sunday

We did sacrament in the morning today don't worry. I made my signature pastaroni, we had some French bread and a smoothie on the side. We're getting pretty serious. Then Elder Oyewole went and taught an English lesson! We were able to go to their house and sit on their porch. It was a sweet family from Honduras. It was so much fun to be out! Very rare haha. And of course we had a great spiritual message after. That night we had a house movie night. The Best Two Years. An absolute classic. 

Bullet Beans

• Okay so while we were dropping something back off at the ZL's on Tuesday, the other companionship that lives with them were outside throwing a football with some kids that lived in the complex. Of course the first thing I did was get out of the car and sprint the opposite direction to catch a pass, and when I got back to the group, I tossed the ball *lightly* to one of the kids, like 11 years old or something. Well somebody needs to teach that boy to catch cause it went right through his hands and hit him in the face and now I'm being questioned by the police. The saddest part, as if I didn't feel bad enough, is that he then goes "I think I have to go inside now." Then just runs off. My bad bro.

• One night we were watching a movie, and it was pitch black. I got an email and I was look "Ooh I'm gonna check this email." I opened it and then the Gmail app just blasted my eyes with a blank white screen. I was thrown backwards by the sheer energy and bass that emanated from the screen. My pupils went from ● --> • real quick. I haven't seen color since then.

• One night, Elder Thompson and I combined 4 decks of cards and played a few of our favorite games. They just took 4 times as long. But as Mr. Incredible says, "yeah, I've got time." After that we covered me in cards and it was an emotional and beautiful artistic display.

• I don't know what happened but this week I started just having 1 meal a day haha. So quirky and funny I know. I just eat lunch and I'm not hungry at any other point of the day. I think I am dying.

Love, Elder Jerman

Anorexic?

The God of Cards

Body is slowly shutting down

Blind

Terrorizer of Children aka Child Bully

Pics

- Incredible pasta meal

- My daily meal of 1 fruit

- Elder Sime absolutely smashed his last record, huge congrats

- What my companion looks at 60% of the day (Me holding cards)

- We performed a ritual to seal our path of following to the all powerful Fates of Cards